I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
