I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
