"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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