I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
