Pants 0. Shit 1.
i barfeds in our rink
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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