"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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