I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
