she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
