I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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