10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
