Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
