and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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