Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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