he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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