C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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