I hate your face
"it" just moved
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
