u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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