I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
