OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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