my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
