After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
