I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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