just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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