I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
