it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
