Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
