Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
