Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
