Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Found the puke drawer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
