i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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