Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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