I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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