Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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