im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
