i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
