My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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