I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
