so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
