im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As shirtless as possible
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
