booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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