His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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