Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
