"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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