So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
