I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
