Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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