Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
