She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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