hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
