Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
