my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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